I hate change. I hate letting go. And I hate the heartache that comes with watching your kid grow.
I’m writing today from the chair in my living room while I watch Wolfie nap in his bed on the monitor. This is a very rare occurrence in my house. 95% of the naps he has taken at home in the last 2 years have been laying on me or next to me.
I’m feeling the need to get him to nap on his own more often so I can have a couple child-free hours now and then. Not because I don’t absolutely love laying with him and watching him sleep. But because there’s starting to be more and more things that I literally can’t find time to do.
I used to be able to at least do some things at work. I could shop online when I needed something. I could bring little projects to do on my lunch. (For example, I was able to make a couple of simple costumes for a sci-fi convention a few months ago over a few days worth of lunches.) I could write a blog post now and then.
But things at work have gotten complete bonkers, and I have no time to do this anymore. I don’t take lunches. There’s something I’ve been meaning to order online for a couple weeks now, but still haven’t because every single day I get too busy and forget about it. And at home Wolfie takes all of my focus, and wants to be involved in everything, so I don’t dare pull out the computer while he’s around. A lot of the shopping type of stuff could be done on my phone if I put in the effort. But typing out a blog post on my phone is never going to happen.
I’ve only performed once in the last 2 years, because I literally can’t get time to myself to put a routine together. (I seriously had to take time off work to even put together that one act.) I’ve got all these ideas for art projects that I never work on. And a big one… we’re going to have lots of little projects around the house that need done in the next year or so as we get ready to sell this place.
So, commence trying to get Wolf to nap in his bed.
But also, I’ve been feeling really frustrated with the sheer amount of time that he still nurses. I don’t mind that he still nurses. I love that he still nurses. When he’s having a meltdown or is overtired and needs to sleep, it is oh so helpful. I am not planning to wean any time soon (I was hoping to let him self-wean when he’s ready). But he nurses ALL. THE. TIME.
So, I’ve pretty much decided to tackle night nursing first and see if I can’t try to get him down to nursing to sleep and then not again until morning.
To make this easier, I am planing to just sleep in his bed with him for a while until he gets used to it, so that we aren’t waking G up when he’s whining for mama milk. (He has a twin bed with a rail instead of a toddler bed.)
Add these two things together, and it seems like I’m pretty much setting us up for him transitioning into sleeping in his bed on a regular basis. And I feel so sad about that. I love co-sleeping with my baby. I’m not sure that I won’t just bring him back into bed with us once he’s used to not nursing at night. But, if he gets used to sleeping in his own bed and does really well with it, I probably would be a little dumb if I didn’t take advantage of that and just let him continue.
I try to remember that there will always be nights that he’ll crawl into bed with us for plenty of time to come. But it still breaks my heart to think about the time when I won’t snuggle up to him every night as I fall asleep.